Funniest Stories

When the Perfect Revenge Goes Wrong

2008-01-16T10:32:00.000-08:00

I have three brothers, when we were kids we used to travel to the coast and stay in a caravan. This particular time I was around 8 years old.

Two of my brothers came with me, one younger and one older, we were accompanied by my grandmother (who incidentally was in her 60's at the time)

Anyway, one of the days a fight broke out between us, and I decided to seek my revenge on my two brothers.

I carefully emptied the sugar bowl into the trash and refilled it with table salt, and waited.

The next morning we all got up for breakfast and nan asked us what we wanted. I wanted cooked breakfast, and the others wanted cereal. My plan was working perfectly. She put the cereal in the bowls, filled the bowls up with milk and sprinkled sugar (or so she thought) over the breakfast cereal. It was going to be perfect.

Then things started to go wrong. She then boiled the kettle and started to make a cup of tea............with 2 sugars

Before either of my brothers could eat a spoonful, she drank a great big glug of the tea (salted). Her face screwed up like a buldog chewing a wasp.

Things didn't really go down to well after that.

She is now in her late 80's, and when I see her these days, she can still remember that cup of tea - so can I.

Author of this story is from Car Leasing Blog

Grandma's Vacation Memories

2007-06-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

We took a long trip to Rhode Island to meet up with our daughter and family at their vacation home on the beach. Being very anxious to see my grandson again, I ran into the house to pick up Jack and found his pants full. So within the first 3 minutes of being on vacation, I'm changing my grandson's poopie diaper. No problem, what are Grandma's for? I went into the other room where the diaper bag was that my daughter had packed for Captain Jack and I pulled out a diaper and a new pack of wipes. I got him all changed only there was one problem, come to find out those baby wipes were really furniture wipes and not the normal baby wipe I would have expected to find in the diaper bag!!!!!! Oh no............does that mean I just waxed my baby?????!!!!! I'll never live this down......they busted me all weekend.

Moral of the story is to always know what kind of wipe you are using on your babies bottom, no more wax jobs for Captain Jack.

anonymous

Visions of Christmas Vacation

2007-02-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

At about 3 in the afternoon I was emailing my husband to say I wanted to get out of the house a little bit. While doing so, I hear a noise in the chimney that sounds like an animal is in there. Because our fireplace is in the basement, the chimney is right in the middle of the living room. My husband emails back and says there are probably some birds up around the top of the flue. I forget about it. He comes home and we go to the mall. So, we get home pretty late, and I notice the lamps are knocked over. Oh well, we have bad cats, it happens. I sit down to turn on the computer. Dave goes to put Jack's pajamas on. We have a dual reclining sofa, and I kick up the footrest and turn on the laptop. Suddenly I hear this wierd noise. My first thought "Oh my god, the cat is somehow stuck in the sofa and is dying or something."

I kick the footrest back down. Noise again. By now I am getting nervous and upset. I start calling the cat. He comes around the side of the sofa, he is filthy and still there is that wierd noise. I start calling my husband to "come right now because I am scared!" At this point I am thinking the noise is the cat's hunting call and that he is making it around whatever the prey *was,* as I am imagining it is alive and is stuck in his throat.

My husband fiddles around some more before coming to my aid, and by this point I am on top of another piece of furniture and not going anywhere near the sofa. I scoop up Jack, because surely whatever is going on is going to have to come out sooner or later. At this point my husband decides there is a SQUIRREL IN OUR SOFA. In our sofa. Inside of it.

Apparently, while we were at the mall, the cats pawed at the glass door on the fireplace until the squirrel was loose in here (seeing visions of Christmas Vacation yet?) Somehow the 3 cats and one frightened squirrel made it up out of the basement and into the living room, where said squirrel is now cowering INSIDE my
sofa.

At this point, I literally peed in my pants. Then I did what any good daughter would do and I called my father. He says to call an exteriminator. I start looking in the phone book. The ads for exterminators say "FINANCING AVAILABLE". I say, "we are going to need financing to get this thing out of my house?" My dad says, "Honey, it isn't a predator, it's FOOD." Gee, thanks Dad. LOL

We decide that Jack and I and the cats should be locked in our bedroom. My husband closes all the bedroom doors, opens the outside doors, and attempts to scare the thing out of the sofa. Jack and I are lying in our bed and Jack keeps saying "mama, you need to wash your pants." (LOL, that kid cracks me up.) Then he says, "Is Dada cleaning up the cats? Is Dada gonna sleep on the sofa because his blanket is in the wash?" (Where does he come up with this stuff?)

Meanwhile, I am yelling out, "is it gone yet?" In the end, my husband scooted the couch until it was in front of the front door, and then pushed this pet trainer thing we have (it emits some horrible only heard to animals loud noise) until the damn squirrel ran out the front door.

And the moral of this very long story is "when your wife says at 3 pm that there is an animal in the chimney, someone better do something about it, and that doesn't mean go to the mall." LOL

Author of this story is from Misadventures of Mama and Jack

"Upside Down"

2007-02-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

When I was studying at the University in Sri Lanka, one of my friends noticed that a boy was constantly interested in her. In Sri Lanka you do not ask the girl directly whether she would like to go out with you. He came to her asking help with assignments, and she helped him. One day he was seated near her reading a book. She asked him, hey, you must be a genius. How can you read a book upside down? Chears.

Author of this story is from E-commerce related notes

The Self-Cleaning Oven

2007-02-06T10:21:00.000-08:00

My sister had just purchased a new stove. She wanted it because it had a self-cleaning oven. She hated cleaning the oven. Then one day about a month after I was sitting with her having coffee, I asked her how the new oven was working out. She said "I don't know Gee, I'm still waiting for it to come on". I rolled, I could not stop laughing. I said to her you have to "turn it on".

Author of this story is from New to Computer World

Training Run Team

2007-02-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

One day a few years ago, I was out for a training run with the team when we noticed a pretty girl on the other side of a major street. As I was staring across the way, I was knocked to the ground. The guys quickly lost interest in the girl and helped me up. The culprit? A parking meter.

Author of this story is from SauerKraut

Call of Nature

2007-01-11T08:46:00.000-08:00

My grandfather, Joe Estrada, was a well-known carpenter in the Houston area who built many houses over the years. Occasionally when things were slow he would work on apartments as well.

One hot summer day on an apartment construction site, he felt the "call of nature" so he headed for the nearest porta-potti, which happened to be standing smack in the middle of a large open area. Unfortunately, once inside the heat became unbearable (did I mention this was Houston, in summer?), so he decided to prop the door open and let the breeze help keep the temperature down.

Finding nothing nearby, he went over to the trash piles and picked up a brick, then headed back to the potti. As he was about to re-enter, one of the other workers saw him and shouted, "Hey, Joe! You don't need a brick - they have toilet paper!"

Robert Hruzek is the author of this story Middle Zone Musings

On-Site Computer Technician

2006-10-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

The other day, one of my customers called and told me that he couldn't get his new AV software to install. No matter what he did, he couldn't get the CD to work in his computer. When I got there, everything looked ok until I opened the CD drive and found that he had inserted the CD label down. When I turned it right-side-up I was able to install the software for him.

I'm enjoying your blog. Hope to post more for you down the road.

Larry Gibson is the author of this story Cowboy Entertainer

The "In Thing" To Do

2006-10-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

My cousin Linda was like an older sister to me and whatever she did growing up, I wanted to follow in her foot steps. In today's standards these will seem like silly examples to you however in my day you needed permission to do these things, as I had a very strict father. So when Linda started shaving her legs, then I wanted to, she started wearing makeup, then I wanted to, she got a boyfriend, then I really wanted to. My father thought she was a bad influence on me as a young teenager growing up and there was always a battle between us. Many years have passed since then and my husband would hear these stories about Linda and I every time we would together. Keep in mind she is the one that also introduced me to my now hubby.

So as the story goes, my cousin Linda was visiting us in California from Florida. We decided to have a girls day out and went shopping knowing we were going on a trip the next day to Lake Tahoe, Nv. While in a drug store we saw these really cute little rose tattoos that you paste on your ankle or where ever. We bought a set just to play a joke on my hubby knowing that he was really against girls getting tattoos. I thought it would be cute to surprise him while sitting in the hot tub at our favorite hotel the next evening. Well I forgot all about applying it that day and when he saw me stripping my clothes off that night getting ready for bed, he saw something on my upper chest and said, WHAT'S THAT? Well, I threw myself face down on the bed and pretended to cry. He said, you have a spider on you and tried to roll me over, knowing there was no spider, I didn't know how I was going to explain this one, other than to show and tell him...............Linda said, "it was the in thing to do". Well, with disgust his voice he tells me, the "In Thing to do", huh .......... MY ASS!! Your father WAS right, she IS a crummy influence and proceeds to tell me he is going to take over where my father left off 30 years ago... she can go home on the first plane out of here. Mind you my cousin is in the next room reading before going to bed and she can hear everything that's being said, needless to say she was laughing her head off knowing she was getting blamed for something once again. I explained to my hubby it was one of those paste on tattoos and it will wash off..............end of story.
Like any story.............I guess you had to be there. lol